to tell her but she wouldn’t believe me, I bet she wishes she has believed me
bell rang and summer was here, which meant I was officially a senior. After
what was a terrible year of my parents record breaking, longest lasting divorce
I was going to make this summer one to remember. Starting that night at my best
friend Nora’s annual kick off to summer party.
“So do I finally get to meet the infamous Jaxson tonight?”
Nora screamed over the blasting voices of her favourite British boys of One
Direction while she caked on way more make up than anyone should ever wear. She
of course was referring to my new boyfriend, Jaxson, what a great name, right?
“Finally?! You make it sound
like its been years!” I jokingly replied as I turned down the music. “God how
can you listen to this!”
“Adelle Clark! Do NOT change
the subject! You started dating some random guy without even having your best
friend meet him first!” Nora whined as she moved from the make up to the bleach
blonde extensions laying across her vanity. Nora is the closest person I had
ever met to a real live Barbie, brains and all. Though you just couldn’t help
but love her.
“What if I told you Jax is
bringing one of his friends for you, then would you forgive me?” I winked,
walking over to help her straighten the back section of her hair she was
obviously struggling to reach. She tried to stay serious but her eyes lit up as
soon as the words left my mouth, and I knew I was forgiven.
Jaxson and I had been dating for almost a month, which
when are 17 feels like forever. My god did I love him. This was the first time
he was meeting my friends because he went to a different high school. I was so
nervous I thought I going to puke. Which I am sure was half because of the 5
shots of vodka I had quickly thrown back to try to calm my nerves. Not one of
my brightest moments but hey “Live fast, die young, bad girls do it well” as
one of my favourite artists M.I.A would say. Oh the irony.
Jaxson showed up at around 12th shot o’clock
looking dapper as always. Yup, dapper, that was the word I chose to use. Out of
all the words out there I chose that but it wasn’t really me who chose it, it
was the vodka so its fine.
I was so worried about my friends hating him, though I am
sure I was the one everyone hated that night. I’m talking about the walking,
talking, actually let me rephrase that. Stumbling, slurring definition of white
girl wasted, and for being the one to finally drag my annoying ass out of the
party, everyone loved Jax.
The first two weeks of summer where like living a real
life goddamn fairy tale. Princess Adelle… Nah, I’m way more of a Rihanna than a
Taylor Swift so I could never be a princess. But man was Jaxson a prince.
Typical story of nice guy turning a bad girl good. How cliché of us. That was
until I found out he wasn’t such a nice guy after all.
A month into summer, and two months into our relationship
is when things started to change. I hadn’t seen my friends in weeks and when I
blew off a date with Jaxson for a girls night he did not like that one bit. But
I mean it had been a month of non-stop Jaxson time. Not that I didn’t love
every minute of it but I needed a break! After that day something always seemed
different, like something had snapped inside him, and suddenly everything had
changed. One thing that was clear though, was that he did not want to share me
It started out harmless enough with questionable texts to
my friends, little white lies, and him always denying it all. Constant “Babe, I
would never send that”, and “You know me better than that” ‘s every time I
would confront him. Of course being young and “in love” I believed him.
When I started to receive the questionable texts myself I
was still too oblivious to even notice. But one day it
hit me, literally.
It was Friday August 30th, the last weekend of
summer and we were ending it the same way it started, at another one of Nora’s
annual parties. Bet you can’t guess what it was called.. You guessed it, Nora’s
end of summer party, clever, I know.
Mine and Jaxson’s relationship had become a ride that I
was not sure I wanted to be on anymore. It whipped me around making my head
spin and every inch of my body ache. I constantly felt helpless and weak, and
wanted nothing more than to stand on solid ground on my own two feet, but instead
i was kept firmly planted behind the bars of Jaxson. I had always been the kind
of girl to listen to my instincts but when it came to him i never did. Blinded
by love I guess, once again, how cliché.
This party was way better than the last, well from what I
could rememeber. That was until Jax grabbed my arm hard, it was like I could
instantly feel the bruises forming on my skin as he dragged me away from the
conversation I was in the middle of.
“What the hell, Jaxson!” I winced,
struggling to get away from his vice like grip, though he just held on tighter.
I could see the anger in his eyes and with one quick movement my face was on
fire. I was frozen with shock of what had just happened. Suddenly the anger
melted from his face though remained in his eyes, he begged for forgiveness,
promising it was an accident and that it would never happen again. I was
terrified of what would happen next so I told him i forgace him and for the
rest of the night pretended as though nothing had happened, but the fire in his
eyes wouldn’t let me forget.
That night after everyone had
left Nora was relentless in trying to get what was wrong out of me. I did my
best to convince her nothing had happened but when i took off my sweater and
unknowingly revealed deep purple bruises on each of my pale arms there was no
going back, I had to tell her. But i knew saying it out loud would make it
finally feel real. With tears streaming down my face i admitted to my best
friend that my “perfect” boyfriend had proven he wasn’t so perfect after all
just because I was harmlessly talking to another guy.
“You have to tell your mom,”
Nora sobbed “she will know what to do, i don’t have a clue Adelle, you just –“.
“She has never believed
anything I say” I interrupted, struggling to get the words out past the lump in
my throat, “and she never will so what’s the point?”
of pleading from Nora and avoiding Jax, I knew she was right, I had to tell my
mother. This wasn’t something that was just going to go away on its own no
matter how much I prayed that it would.
it turned out that I was the one who was right. With the bruises faded back to porcelain
skin there was no evidence to prove I was not lying. My own mother once again
did not believe me, and if my own mother didn’t, who would.
back in and senior year started I had more than enough going on to keep me
busy, but nothing could get my mind off the fact that i was going to have to
see Jaxson again and i was going to have to end it. Just the thought of it
would freeze me with fear but it had to be done.
I woke up on Monday September 17th and knew I couldn’t
go another week like this. Today was the day. Today was the day that the fear
would melt away and I would be free of the toxin that was Jaxon’s love. The
love that flooded my world, and invaded my veins so few months ago.
I texted him to meet me in the park after school, there
was no going back. I thought I would be nervous all day but all I felt was as
if a giant weight had been lifted from my shoulders. When the final bell rang i
couldn’t wait to get to the park, to flush my veins, to get my life back.
When I saw Jaxson round the corner though he looked happy
the same anger remained in his eyes and suddenly I was once again frozen in
fear. I managed to get a quiet hello out before being at a complete loss of
words. It was like he could sense my fear and when I once again looked up his
face portrayed no emtion.
“Jaxson.” I squeaked, sweat
rolling down my face, hands shaking by my sides. “I just don’t think this is
going to work anymore, I –“
“What are you talking about,”
he angerly interrupted “for f*** sakes Adelle I told you I didn’t f***ing mean
to hit you!”. His voice grew louder and louder. I chose to meet him at the park
so i wouldn’t embarrass myself in front of other people but right now I was
praying that someone, anyone would come walking around the corner.
“No Jax, thats not it at all”
I pleaded once again fighting past that wicked lump that was quickly growing in
my throat, “its just I’m so busy with school and work and student council, I
don’t have any free time and thats not fair to you”
“Fair?!” Jaxson retorted,
shoving my right shoulder hard, “you are such a lying b****” at this point he was
screaming at the top of his lungs. How can no one hear him I thought. My whole
body was trembling, and I had nothing to say, and Jaxson did not like that.
With one hard shove I was on the ground and my head was pounding. I reached up,
my hair felt wet, my hand a crimson red. I couldn’t move, I was paralyzed on the
ground. Jax with no fear in his eyes stared down at me, without a word left me
there, alone, and motionless. I was desperate for someone to come around that
corner, but I couldn’t make a sound. I was tired, and it was a beautiful day,
so i let myself go to sleep.
I wish I would have known that I wasn’t just tired, I
wish I wouldn’t have let myself go to sleep. I wish i would have know that was
the last warm fall day I would feel, Jaxson was the last person I would talk to
and the last face I would see. I wish I knew something like this could escalate
I tried to tell her but she wouldn’t believe me, i bet
she wishes she had believed me now.